Author(s): catherine hurley

Gift/Humour

COULD DO BETTER, the first collection of school reports of the great and the good, was a considerable success in both hardback and paperback. Catherine Hurley has once again unearthed the reports of celebrities past and present, and put together an eclectic collection of highly amusing and insightful comments from their school days. Pablo Picasso: Pablo ended up spending most of his time following the headmaster's attractive wife around 'like a puppy': 'If you want your son to learn from my wife how to cook or how she bathes the baby, we can continue with the same conditions, but if you want something more, there will have to be some changes.' * Ian Fleming: 'He ought to make an excellent Soldier, provided always that the Ladies don't ruin him.' (Fleming - the creator of James Bond - had to leave Sandhurst when he caught gonorrhea.) * Jeffrey Archer: 'I was allowed to ring the bell for five minutes until everyone was in assembly. It was the beginning of power.' * Lynne Truss: 'Inclined to fussiness.' * Errol Flynn: 'Nothing but trouble. I don't know what you need young man, but, whatever it is, this school has not got it.